Yukigo
Family words: 母 or お母さん?
In Japanese every relative has two names. 母 is my mother, お母さん is your mother — and picking the wrong one isn't a vocabulary slip but a manners one, because the choice says whose family you are talking about.
It is the most everyday application of uchi/soto, inside and outside the group: towards outsiders you lower your own family and raise theirs. Same logic as keigo, but with people instead of verbs.
Inside and outside: the rule behind all of it
Japanese splits the world into the group you belong to (uchi) and everyone else (soto). Speaking to an outsider, what is yours goes down and what is theirs goes up — for family, for your company, for your team. This isn't formal modesty: it is how the language marks boundaries.
At home you use the outsider forms
The apparent contradiction that trips everyone up: at home you call your mother お母さん and your older brother お兄さん, the respectful forms. Talking about them to an outsider, they become 母 and 兄. The rule isn't about who they are, but about who you are talking to.
Younger siblings get called by name
You don't address younger siblings as 妹 or 弟: you use their name, often with ちゃん or くん. The words for younger sister and younger brother are for talking about them, not to them — and that asymmetry with お姉さん and お兄さん shows how much age structures a Japanese family.
The mistake people notice
Saying 私のお母さんは… when introducing your own mother. It isn't unintelligible, but it sounds like raising your own family in front of an outsider: the exact opposite of what is expected. The right form is 母は…, and those two syllables are all it takes to sound right.
The full pairs
On the left, the form for your own family when speaking to outsiders; on the right, the form for other people's families — and also the one you use to address your own older relatives at home.
| Relation | Your family | Someone else's |
|---|---|---|
| mother | 母はは | お母さんおかあさん |
| father | 父ちち | お父さんおとうさん |
| older sister | 姉あね | お姉さんおねえさん |
| older brother | 兄あに | お兄さんおにいさん |
| younger sister | 妹いもうと | 妹さんいもうとさん |
| younger brother | 弟おとうと | 弟さんおとうとさん |
| grandmother | 祖母そぼ | おばあさんおばあさん |
| grandfather | 祖父そふ | おじいさんおじいさん |
| wife | 妻つま | 奥さんおくさん |
| husband | 夫おっと | ご主人ごしゅじん |
| daughter | 娘むすめ | 娘さんむすめさん |
| son | 息子むすこ | 息子さんむすこさん |
| family | 家族かぞく | ご家族ごかぞく |
Careful with 妻 and 奥さん: both mean wife, but 奥さん is never used for your own. The same goes for 夫 and ご主人.
The words you need on day one
Introducing your family is one of the first things you do in Japanese. With Yukigo these pairs arrive inside real sentences, with audio and spaced repetition that catches you when you reach for the wrong side. Free and ad-free.
Free beta, installs in two minutes. How do I install it?
Frequently asked questions
Because Japanese marks group membership. One form is humble and serves your own family, the other is respectful and serves everyone else's: the choice tells the listener whose family you mean before the content does.
お姉さん, or more familiarly 姉さん and ねえちゃん. The form 姉 is only for talking about her to someone outside the family.
Always the respectful forms: お父さん, 弟さん, ご家族. It doesn't change if the friend is your own age — the politeness is about that family being outside your group, not about how close you are.
There is 兄弟 (きょうだい) for siblings in general and 姉妹 (しまい) for sisters, but talking about one person you have to choose: Japanese has no neutral way to say my brother without saying whether he is older or younger.
Yes, and they come early: 母, 父, 兄 and 姉 with their kanji are in the first level's vocabulary, and introducing your family is a classic listening topic too.